Melissa Haynes smiles every time she looks at photographs of her infant son, Dakota.
“He loved having his picture taken. Whenever someone had a camera, he knew it,” she said recently as she flipped through small photo albums at the home she shares with her parents in Glasgow. “I have over 800 pictures that I downloaded. He was looking right at (the camera) the whole time.”
The photos – many of which show a grinning, bright-eyed Dakota – are all she has left of the time she spent with her baby. On Aug. 21, 2009, Haynes went to check on her son in his crib. Dakota, who was six days shy of turning 4 months old and had learned to roll himself over, wasn’t breathing.
“When I put him to sleep, he was on his back. When I found him, he was on his stomach,” she said as her eyes filled with tears. “We called an ambulance. They came here and took him to the hospital.”
It was too late. Dakota had died of sudden infant death syndrome, which is when a seemingly healthy infant dies suddenly and unexpectedly in his sleep.
“I was devastated. He was my first (child),” Haynes said as tears fell down her face. “I was 37, about to be 38, when I found out I was pregnant. I had never been pregnant before. I didn’t have a bad pregnancy.”
Beverly Phelps, a registered nurse who works in The Medical Center’s neonatal intensive care unit, said SIDS is very real.
“It’s like one of those things you hear about but don’t think about. It’s not completely preventable,” she said. “SIDS is still the leading cause of death in the first 12 months of life, with 90 percent of the cases happening when the baby is between 2 and 4 months old. Twenty percent of those cases happen when they are in someone else’s care.”
Because of the mysterious nature of SIDS, there is no way to prevent it, but there are ways to reduce the risk. Fall and winter months bring a higher incidence of SIDS, Phelps said. Babies who are at higher risk of SIDS include those who are premature or have low birth weight, are African-American or American Indian or are male, Phelps said.
“Mothers who smoke have three times the risk of having a baby who dies of SIDS,” she said. “Smoke exposure means more than twice the risk.”
Babies who sleep on their sides or stomachs have 13 times the risk of SIDS, and that figure rises to 18 times for babies who sleep on their backs but are suddenly put to sleep on their stomachs, Phelps said.
“Babies won’t choke if they sleep on their backs,” she said, citing reasons some caregivers may give for putting a baby to sleep on his stomach. “Babies have enough head strength to help them turn their heads (to spit up).”
Babies should sleep on a firm crib mattress and have no toys, bumper pads, pillows or blankets in the crib. Parents who are concerned the baby might be cold should use a swaddle wrap, a sleep sack or a blanket at the foot of the crib.
“There should be nothing in the crib except the baby,” she said. “Even a firm adult mattress isn’t firm enough.”
Infants should not be overheated, Phelps said.
“Keep the room temperature between 68 and 72 degrees,” she said. “Parents should dress the baby the way they are dressed.”
Breastfeeding and pacifiers can help reduce the risk, Phelps said.
“After babies have a well-developed nursing pattern, you can use a pacifier,” she said. “Putting the babies to bed with pacifiers has been shown to reduce the risk of SIDS. It’s OK if the pacifier falls out (later).”
Twins should not sleep together in one crib, but if they have to, put one on one end of the crib and the second baby on the other end, Phelps said.
“(It’s better if they) have separate beds,” she said.
There are various products that claim to help reduce the risk of SIDS, but parents should not use them, Phelps said.
“Items that say they help reduce SIDS don’t,” she said.
SIDS can be additionally stressful on families because it is generally treated as a potential crime scene, with an investigation, pictures, questioning and autopsy, Phelps said.
“SIDS is a diagnosis of exclusion,” she said. “Every baby who dies doesn’t die of SIDS.”
Guilt has become a part of Haynes’ life, even though she knows she did nothing wrong.
“A lot of people think it’s the parents’ or caretakers’ fault. It’s not. When it happens, it happens,” she said. “It’s hard to talk about. People say things without meaning to. I still blame myself sometimes. I keep telling myself it wasn’t my fault.”
Haynes said she gets upset about information that says SIDS is preventable.
“Some of the information is misleading. You can reduce the risk,” she said. “There’s not a cure for it. They don’t know why it happens.”
In her grief, Haynes reached out to others with similar experiences through the Internet.
“I read up as much as possible about SIDS. I’ve got lots of different websites up about (Dakota) and SIDS,” she said. “I’ve found a lot of parents who have lost babies a day or two within the day I lost mine. I’ve had people tell me they were holding their babies and they (died).”
Haynes also has leaned on her faith, friends and family. They have been spreading the word that October is SIDS Awareness Month. On Oct. 15, the family lit candles in memory of Dakota on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Haynes has worn pink and blue items to commemorate the month. They also planned a walk to raise awareness.
“It got rained out,” Haynes said. “We plan on doing another walk. We’re hoping it will be a better turnout.”
Haynes’ sister-in-law, Tiffany Haynes, said her family has been telling people about SIDS Awareness Month.
“They don’t even know,” she said. “October is not just Breast Cancer Awareness Month. There’s nothing out there about SIDS hardly.”
Haynes’ mother, Patricia Haynes, said the pins she has worn observing the month have drawn attention.
“I was in a store in Barren County and had on the pin,” she said. “Someone saw it and said she lost a baby 30 years ago from that.”
In memory of her son, Melissa Haynes wears a heart-shaped necklace with Dakota’s picture. She sleeps with a photo of him and kisses it each night. She remembers her babbling, laughing baby who used to love being outside and whom she called her “Little Monkey.”
“He was a precious baby,” she said, smiling. “I’m glad I got to spend the four months I did with him. Even if I had to go through this again, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”
A “SIDS Prevention and Safe Sleep for Infants” class will be offered from 5:30 p.m. to 6:30 p.m. Dec. 7 at The Medical Center’s Health and Wellness Center at Greenwood Mall.
Nurses from The Medical Center Nursery and Neonatal Intensive Care Unit will offer information and a CPR review.
Preregistration is required. For more information, call 745-0942.
